The Most Distinguished and Perpetual Council of the Benjamins Schwartz, Convened for the Preservation and Mutual Recognition of All Persons Bearing the Name, and for the Proper Distinction Among Them
The Most Distinguished and Perpetual Council of the Benjamins Schwartz, Convened for the Preservation and Mutual Recognition of All Persons Bearing the Name, and for the Proper Distinction Among Them
Throughout the world there exist and have existed many persons bearing the name Benjamin Schwartz. The Council exists to identify, acknowledge, and distinguish the many individuals who bear the name Benjamin Schwartz and variations upon it.
In service of its most sacred mission, the Council proclaims for all to recognize:
That the name Benjamin Schwartz is of ancient and honorable origin.
That Benjamin signifies the “son of the right hand,” denoting favor, strength, and good standing.
That Schwartz denotes depth and distinction, drawn from the old word for black.
That the bearer of this name is equally suited to gravity and wit, carrying both approachability and authority in balanced measure.
That Benjamin Schwartz is and will always be a cool frood who always knows where their towel is.
Another [indeterminate period of time], another collection of Benjamins Schwartz doing what Benjamins Schwartz do: voicing hedgehogs, solving climate problems,…